What Not To Do When Trying To Get Your Husband To End His Affair

In a perfect world, as soon as you found out about your husband's affair, he would fall over himself apologizing and outlining how he was going to banish the other woman from his life. He would make promises to make this up to you, regain your trust, and ultimately to save your marriage.

What Not To Do When Trying To Get Your Husband To End His Affair

We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

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We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

We Came As Romans - Roads That Don't End And Views That Never Cease @ Nosturi, Finland 30.1.2012

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Countdown to the End of the World: An End-Time Prediction That Caused Israel to Make a Big Mistake

The countdown of end-of-the-world events in the book of Luke was uttered by two prophets. The first was proclaimed by John the Baptist in his famous wilderness sermon, and the second was trumpeted by none other than Jesus Christ Himself from the crest of Olivet to the listening ears of His disciples. Both predictions dramatically chronicled the central object of the Christians' hope - the Second Advent.

Countdown to the End of the World: An End-Time Prediction That Caused Israel to Make a Big Mistake

The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

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The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

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The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

The Medusa Smile - With Love Came Infamy

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TRACK 2 of the Debut EP "Words Of A Hopeless Place". DOWNLOAD LINK: http://www.mediafire.com/?rdn7ndkdprxfb4l LYRICS: the sins I've done made me infamous, I ...

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When I examine John the Baptist's version of the prophecy I tend to get the feeling that there is something not so right with that part of his message. It is against the background of two important factors that I am of this opinion. They are as follows:

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Countdown to the End of the World: An End-Time Prediction That Caused Israel to Make a Big Mistake

1. The purpose of John the Baptist's mission
2. The overall context of his message

Countdown to the End of the World: An End-Time Prediction That Caused Israel to Make a Big Mistake

The purpose of John's mission

God had raised up John the Baptist for a specific purpose. His mission was to prepare the way for the coming Messiah. In his ministry John was supposed to point the people to Jesus and identify Him as the Lord's Christ. This he did when he declared,

"Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world" St. John 1:29.

The utterances of this wilderness prophet were so critical that it was to play a role in shaping the idea of the Jewish people concerning the work of the Messiah. Because John was respected as a great prophet, whatever he says would determine the people's expectations.

The context of John's message

As that voice crying in the wilderness, admonishing the people to prepare the way of the Lord, one would easily expect John to give a message that is confined to the First Advent. In accordance with this expectation he spoke thus of the coming Messiah:

"I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with fire" Luke 3:16

In this proclamation John the Baptist did a great work. This is clearly a countdown to the First Advent and the fulfillment of the Father's promise to send the Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost. It is also in keeping with Christ's promise just before His ascension that He will be with His disciples even until the end of the world (St. Jn. 28:20). If that was all that John had to say about the coming Messiah, his work would have been completed. But the problem I have is found in the next verse.

The problem with John's message

What I am about to say is not something that many of us are prepared to appreciate. We are taught to believe that every individual who occupies the office of a prophet is automatically endowed with infallibility and is above question. If you are one of those who hold this view, I refer you the story of the disobedient prophet in 1Kings 13. The fact is no prophet is perfect; they are just as fallible like any normal human being and I believe that John the Baptist had exhibited that weakness in the message he preached. We need to understand that the ministry of the prophets is the manifestation of perfect divinity working via the instrumentality of imperfect humanity.

After John prophesied of the coming Messiah, in the next verse he suddenly shifted gears and proceeded to give a countdown of end-of-the-world events. In continuing his message, here is what the prophet went on to say:

"Whose fan is in his hand, and he will thoroughly purge his floor, and will gather the wheat into his garner; but the chaff he will burn with fire unquenchable." Lk. 3:17.

This prophecy is a clear end-of-the-world scenario, yet it was presented as if it will be fulfilled in sync with what he predicted in the preceding verses.

A misunderstanding of Christ's mission

This part of John's proclamation indicates what was going through his mind concerning the Messiah's mission. It seems as if he had misunderstood what Christ was here to do. From this end-of-the-world proclamation, John was expecting the Messiah to abolish Gentile rule and establish an earthly kingdom. In common with the Jewish traditional beliefs, he was clearly mixing up the kingly role of Christ at His Second Coming with His Messianic role at His first. Here is the reason why I believe this was the case.

While John was in prison he began to doubt whether Jesus is really that Christ he prophesied of. He was so much in doubt that he decided to send his disciples to ask Jesus if He is really the one to come or should he look for another. From Jesus' response to the question you can know that He was not pleased (See Lk. 7:20-23).

It was John who had witnessed the Holy Spirit in the shape of a dove descending on Jesus and heard the voice of God from heaven confirming Him as the promised Messiah (Matt. 3:16, 17). Therefore, for John to now doubt whether this Man is the Lord's Christ is to manifest unbelief and a clear lack of understanding of the Messiah's mission.

John's end-time prediction leads to unwarranted expectations

John's countdown of end-of-the-world events was a part of the reason why the Jews were disappointed with the direction that Jesus' ministry had taken. Yes, they had accepted the prophecy of John, and they too were expecting Him to set up an earthly kingdom and restore the nation of Israel.

This goes to show how a true teaching can lead one astray when it is being misapplied. A last-day prophecy had indeed contributed to unwarranted expectations about the First Advent. We who are living in the last days need to be much more diligent in our observation of events connected to the end of the world lest we too become captives to false expectations about the Second Advent.

Countdown to the End of the World: An End-Time Prediction That Caused Israel to Make a Big Mistake

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This isn't the reality for some women though. Sometimes, the husband isn't sure if he wants to end the affair. For whatever reason, he sometimes isn't sure if wants to let the other person go. Sometimes he is honest and forthcoming about this and sometimes he isn't. Some men will tell you that they are ending the affair when they really aren't. It won't be until later that you find out that they've continued to carry on with the other woman as though nothing has changed.

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What Not To Do When Trying To Get Your Husband To End His Affair

Many wives, quite understandably, become very frustrated with this situation because they feel a huge lack of control. Many want to save their marriages (despite their husband's behavior) but they aren't sure how this is going to be possible when he refuses to end the affair. Many ask me how they can force his hand so to speak and get him to let her go once and for all.

What Not To Do When Trying To Get Your Husband To End His Affair

I often hear comments like "how can I get my husband to end the affair? The other woman works with him and he sees her every day. He just doesn't seem willing to let her go, even though he says he still loves me and isn't ready to end our marriage. She seems to have some pull over him that I can not figure out and over come. But I'm not sure how to play this. Part of me wants to give him an ultimatum, but I'm afraid that if I did this, he'd simply walk away. Is there anything that I should be doing or that I shouldn't do?"

In the following article, I'll discuss what I consider to be the things that you shouldn't do (and want to avoid) when you're trying to get your husband to end the affair, come back to you, and save the marriage.

Why You Don't Want To Give Your Husband Either / Or Ultimatums: I know that this is usually the first card that the wife will want to play. This is very tempting because if you tell your husband that it's her or you, then the idea is that he will HAVE to make a decision - and hopefully he will make this decision very quickly. Many wives want to sit him down and tell him that he has a set deadline to decide if he's going to go with the other woman or stay with the wife. The wife will usually stress that once this decision is made, there is no going back. She'll tell him that he has to decide and he has to decide right now.

Believe me when I say that I understand the logic behind this strategy. You are trying to force him to come to a decision and you're hoping that your history with him (and the decency inside of him) will mean that he chooses you. However, this isn't always what ends up happening. Sometimes, rather than allowing himself to be forced or rushed into making a decision, the husband will just tell the wife that if this is the line she's drawn in the sand, then he'll have to bow out. Often, he just isn't sure what he wants and being forced into making up his mind seems like a worse alternative than indecision.

I often hear from men in this situation who say things like "my wife demanded that I chose between her or the other woman. At the time, my head was messed up, I was confused, and I just didn't know what I wanted and so I chose the other woman simply because my wife wouldn't give me any more time. We aren't together anymore. I wish I had chosen my wife but she wouldn't give me any leeway. Perhaps if she had been a little more patient, we would still be married today. But the ultimatum actually made things worse."

Now, by saying this I certainly don't mean that you should allow your husband to have a relationship with both you and the other woman. This isn't acceptable either. But the compromise for that would be to tell your husband that you can't have an intimate relationship with him while he still has a relationship with the other woman. This just isn't acceptable to you. While he is having a relationship with her, then your relationship will certainly not be an intimate one. However, when he comes to a decision and hopefully decides that he wants to be with you and only you, then those circumstances might change.

Resist Trying To Elicit Negative Feelings In Your Husband (Like Guilt, Shame, Or Embarrassment:) As a wife who was cheated on, I suspect I know what you're feeling right now. I know that you find your husband's behavior absolutely deplorable. I know that you think he should be ashamed by and guilty for his actions. And I also know that it's very tempting to point this out to him, especially when you're trying to convince him to give her up.

Many women will try phrases like "how could you do this to our family?" Or "look at you carrying on like an insecure old man in the middle of a mid life crisis. When are you going to return to reality and realize that you're betraying someone who has always been there for you and has loved you for more years than you care to admit? You are jeopardizing everything we have worked for because of some passing phase with some low quality tramp."

And he may well deserve to hear this. These phrases could and probably are true. But, the thing is, he doesn't want to hear this when he is so unsure about himself. He likely hears this in his own head coming from his own voice. He may not show the guilt and shame he's feeling, but deep down, it is very likely there. But if you keep trying to make him feel even more badly about himself, he is likely to associate this negativity with you and it could affect his decision as to whether to end the affair.

With All These Don'ts, What Can I Safely Do To Get Him To End The Affair?: Admittedly, you can not control his feelings and his actions right now, but you can control your own. You can take the high road and work on your own well being and recovery right now. And you can take a look at the statistics about affairs lasting (the odds aren't very good) and know that if you bide your time and paint yourself in the most flattering and dignified light, you will often win this battle.

But sometimes, you have to give it a little time and you have to allow him to come to these realizations himself. Many men do come to realize that they acted in stupid and embarrassing ways and they are sorry. But if you try to force these realizations on him before he comes to these conclusions himself, he may resent or even distance himself from you when this isn't what you want.

What Not To Do When Trying To Get Your Husband To End His Affair